The Worry of Underperforming

My Winter Solstice went a lot differently than I had originally hoped. A good portion of my daylight hours went towards caring for a sick kid. I was a lot more physically tired than I anticipated being, so a late afternoon nap became part of the day. I also had forgotten to put a key online group event into my calendar. I ended up have a lovely but low-key celebration with Sarenth late that evening. There were a few positive surprises. The guided meditation with the Troth’s Loki Devotional group the night before became a Mothers’ Night celebration. I did find the energy to keep up with the non-traditional nine day novena that Kelly-Ann Maddox hosted on her Patreon. I started a few days late, so the solstice was my day 7. Yesterday I finally burned some old spell components that I’ve been needing to clean up. It ended up being a small impromptu ritual of release. I found time today, two days after the solstice, to share coffee with the ancestors and the húsvaettir. It had been a while since I’d actually sat down at the dining room table and taken the time to serve and drink alongside them all.

It’s easy to feel like I’m not doing enough spiritually, especially when things don’t follow the plan. It was necessary and helpful that more of my energy this week was focused on the household and child care. I was reminded that quality is more important than quantity when it comes to my spirit work. The gift of time is one of the most precious sacrifices. I was also reminded why I am working to improve communication between my souls. My energy is limited, and I have a right and a need to know where it’s going. It’s a lot easier to be efficient when my souls and my spirits are all working together and on the same page.

As I said in my last post, 2024 will be a much louder year for me. Part of my shadow work is looking into the parts of myself that I have been downplaying or muting. I can’t expect my souls to communicate clearly with me if I’m ignoring them or actively trying to hide aspects of myself. There are many deep conversations that I need to have with myself. Thankfully I can usually insert a bit of levity with a British panel show rerun. Laughter is one of my favorite forms of release. Thank you for reading my ramblings. I hope your holidays are going well. Blessings to you and yours.

Are Souls Gendered? Rambly Musings.

This is purely my own thinky thoughts, some rambling musings. My current view on souls is that each individual has a group of souls that come together for that person’s lifetime. Some of the souls exist before and/or after that lifetime, while others do not. This view is informed by my current study of Winifred Hodge Rose’s book Heathen Soul Lore Foundations (Volume I). For some people it will seem like semantics, whether you call something a soul or a soul part, but I think there is significance in the autonomy of the different souls. I also don’t think that everyone necessarily has the same grouping of souls. I’m still very early in my study and experiential research on this topic, so my views are not set in stone.

In the little bits of exploration that I have done with my own souls thus far (and it is very small at this point), I have noticed within myself that some souls present as strongly gendered, and some do not. As a child, I went through periods of presenting very gender nonconforming. As an adult, I have found it challenging to determine which (if any) gender I align with at my core. I will note here that I do not have body dysmorphia. I am generally content with my anatomical makeup. The topic of my personal gender is much more confusing. Could this possibly be connected to the makeup of my souls?

A person’s gender might have absolutely nothing to do with their souls. I just find it interesting that I got clear impressions of differences in gender in the soul work that I have done thus far with myself. Hopefully after much more exploration and study I will have more definitive thoughts. Thanks for reading my ramblings.

A Talk with my Ka

Today I had a talk with my ka. (The ka is a spiritual entity in the Kemetic world view that exists as part of a person in life and carries on after death.) I’m spending the day at Starbucks at the suggestion one of my partners. I am using this time away from the household to focus on some personal spirit work, but I’m also just enjoying a day out. Thus it made sense to start my work by chatting with my ka.

Making offerings to my ka is one of the things on my “I should do” list that I rarely actually do. I deprioritize what I need and what I want. Sometimes I even recategorize my needs as wants. It’s an unconscious way to excuse myself for putting my needs at the end of my list.

My ka reminded me of a few important things in our brief conversation.

Although Gebo (a Heathen concept) does echo the idea of a gift for a gift, or balance in giving and receiving, the gifts or offerings do not originate in a sense of payment. The gifts and offerings originate from a place of love and appreciation. The gifts and offerings themselves are meant to be given altruistically, with no expectation of reciprocation. If there is expectation, I don’t think it really counts as Gebo. Shorting myself on offerings because I don’t feel worthy of what I might get in return is as pointless as only making offerings to myself when I need something or feel guilty.

I see my ka as the (or at least one) seat of my joy. Offerings to my ka are an act of self-love. Cultivating love and appreciation for myself is the only path towards giving the correct consideration and importance to offerings for my ka, and offerings in general. Through giving offerings to my ka, I am cultivating self-love.

My ka reminded me that joy is not a reward or an achievement. It is a core feeling that can still accompany feeling empathy for others’ struggles and facing my own difficulties. Allowing joy into my life does not the denigrate pain or challenges that occur in life and in the world. They can and do coexist. Joy does not have to be earned or accommodated. It is an active force ready and able to come along for the ride. I am deserving of it simply because I exist.

I know I have blogged about offerings to my ka in previous posts, but sometimes I need to hear the lessons a few times before I’m able to fully integrate them. Thank you for following along with my journey.