Forging My Own Way

The more I travel down my path, the more I realize that it is an individual one.  Yes, I am a part of groups (ADF and Kemetic Orthodoxy), and yes, I do participate in them.  My mixture of worship and seeking spiritual truth is unique to me.  I have seen other people forge their own paths successfully.  The one factor I see in those whom I most admire is that their paths seem to be unique.  They all ended up going their individual ways.  I just have to trust myself and my Gods that I can find my own way.  I can forge the spiritual relationships and practices that I want.  I need to let go of comparing myself to others.  I am still at a beginning point in my path, and I need to remember that.  Others have worked hard to get where they are.  I need to trust that I can do that, too.

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Kemetic Orthodoxy, Druidry, and Muddling Through

I keep going back and forth about going through the Rite of Parent Divination with Kemetic Orthodoxy.  I think to not do it is to choose the harder path (not necessarily better), but if I’m wavering this much then I’m not ready.  Perhaps I will do it in the future.  If I don’t do it now, then I probably need to do some shadow work.  It’s not my favorite option, but there is definitely some negative thinking that I need to eradicate.

I’ve felt a strong draw back to Sekhmet recently.  Djehuty is always there, but Sekhmet is more like a mother figure for me.  Perhaps I need to focus back on those relationships.  I really don’t know.  I guess no one really does.  There is also the exploring of the relationship with Ra for which I haven’t done much.  I have been doing the Kemetic Orthodoxy Rite of senut most days, and that has helped me greatly.

I also feel like I need to spend more time getting to know my akhu better.  I put together a little shrine, but it doesn’t look like much.  I need to set up a routine to honor them.  I am going to get a little book to write down the names of ancestors that I know and leave it on the shrine.  I would also like to get a bigger statue of Anup for it.  Right now I just have a charm there.  Perhaps I can come up with a weekly rite.  I’ve been leaving rum on the akhu shrine and just letting it evaporate.  I might add a glass of water.  I would like to establish a ritual with some routine.  Daily would probably be too much, but perhaps weekly would work.

I want to bring my druidry into my home practice more.  I’m moving around altars, and looking for a good place to put the druidic one.  I’m exploring heathenry more because I think the Norse hearth culture will be my center for ADF.  I’m trying to re-establish my relationship with Loki and get to know Odin better.  I’d like to come up with something simple that I can do for them daily.  I’m still looking into that.  It’s odd, I feel more attracted to the Jotun, yet I still feel like Odin can help me get to where I want to go spiritually.

Basically I need to work on trusting myself and my intuition more.  I also need to work on my divination techniques.  It is still what I use most of the time to communicate with the Gods.  I also need to work on bringing my Gods back into my everyday life, talking to them throughout the day.  I love ritual, but I also need this more mundane connection.  I guess I’ll see where my path takes me.

Imbolc 2015

Last night was our ADF Imbolc ritual in Lincoln.  We celebrated the Roman gods.  The ADF ceremony drew inspiration from Februalia.  Februus, Janus (the gatekeeper), and Tellus Mater, the Earth Mother.  I was inducted as the Pursewarden/Treasurer.  Our made me a stole with an embroidered fire, well, and tree on one side, and corn, coins, and a bull on the other.  It is dark green and beautiful.  The leader of our proto-grove gave me an ancient Roman coin (c. 350 CE).

My induction oath:

“I hereby swear to uphold the worship of the Kindreds, to uphold my duties to our Grove, and to uphold my duties to Ar n’Draiocht Fein to the best of my abilities.”

I need to get a list of the duties again so I can stay on top of them.  The Kindreds consist of the Gods, the land spirits, and my ancestors, so some of that is echoed in my kemetic practice.  I want to expand my practice to include my ancestors and the land spirits more.  This is good motivation.

At the ritual, I encountered a woman whom I had met before and whom I greatly respect.  She is a heathen who does spirit work, including a lot of work with Hel.  We have begun communicating, and I hope that she will help me on my path.

On a different note, I have begun to learn hieroglyphic writing as an offering for Djehuty.  I am focusing on the reading and writing aspect, not the pronunciation.  I actually seem to be making a little progress.  Maybe I will be able to read some of the inscriptions in Egypt.  I’m hoping to visit there towards the end of 2016.

Contemplating the RPD

Soon I will be a Remetj in the Kemetic Orthodox faith.  Although kemeticism doesn’t encompass my entire practice, it is a very important aspect.  As a Remetj, I will have the opportunity to go through the process of the Rite of Parent Divination (RPD).  This rite is performed by Rev. Tamara Siuda and reveals one’s parent and beloved relationships with Netjeru.  I keep vacillating on whether I want to go through with this.  If you complete the RPD, you have the option to take shemsu vows to those Netjeru and become fully vested in the Kemetic Orthodox faith.  The shemsu vows are not required.  I still don’t know if I will be in the Kemetic Orthodox faith for the long haul.  It is helping me with my practice, and I know that it can help me further.  My Gods are leaving it up to me as to whether or not I want to take the RPD.  It is a tougher decision than I thought it would be.  I do think it might reveal relationships with the Netjeru that might otherwise remain hidden to me.  I’ll have to think on it some more.

A Visitor

I have had several readings (by myself and others) and signs indicating that Ra is around and wants some type of relationship from me. What exactly He wants, I have no idea. I know that not everyone gets a long with every god, but I’ve heard from a number of people that aren’t big Ra fans. It makes me feel hesitant towards Him, though I know everyone is different. I am trying to listen to myself more. It is hard. I don’t want to give my intuition credit for anything because I’m afraid of messing up and appearing full of myself or appearing to have abilities that I don’t possess. Perhaps He is here to teach me to rely on my own strength. I don’t know. Rough waters seem to be ahead. I’m not looking forward to them, but I’m hoping that I’ll come out a stronger and more independent individual. I will try to open my heart up to Ra and see what happens.