Odin has been a definite presence in my life of late. I feel drawn to him. I am hesitant delve deeply into a relationship with him because I know that he asks a great deal from his followers. I want to let go and immerse myself. My kemetic gods are supportive, but they also want me to be careful. Djehuty doesn’t want me to be completely owned by Odin. Sekhmet is worried that I will need a lot of healing when I am done working with him. However, they are still supportive of my interest and wish me the best. I am still kemetic, but I am also now exploring heathenry. I prefer to honor the gods in their own ways. I know that I am supposed to learn independence from the heathen gods. I also know that goal probably involves some painful lessons. As someone who doesn’t like pain, I’ve been avoiding asking for lessons. However, it is time to move forward. I want to move forward.
I went to a day long ADF festival in Topeka, Kansas, last Saturday. The head of my local grove was ordained as official clergy. The grounds were gorgeous with blooming tulips and a large lake. There was a discussion on theology, a discussion on mindfulness, and a panel by the heads of different groves. It reminded me how much I love festivals and how much I can learn from ADF. I want to finish the initial self study program for ADF so that I can take advantage of other classes. It was very motivating to see all the hard work of my grove leader pay off in her ordination. I don’t think I am meant to be ADF clergy, but I do feel that moving forward in the organization would help me grow overall.
My schedule is busy these days. I’m not complaining. I enjoy having so many religious functions to attend. I attend an educational session with the Order of the Red Grail on the first Saturday in April. Then next Saturday was the ADF festival. This Saturday is a private blot and sumbel that I’ve been invited to attend. The following Saturday is our local grove’s Beltane ritual. It is good for me to get out and participate. Hopefully it will help me to make new friends and break down some of the walls that I’ve built around myself. It is also good to see how different organizations are structured and run. If I do decide to try to start a local kemetic group, I will need all of the information that I can get about the different ways to set up and run an organization.
I haven’t spent much time at my shrines or altar recently. I’ve been worried that if I honor one god or pantheon then the other gods will be upset. It is a silly worry. My gods have been supportive of my differing interests. I need to get back into the habit of a daily routine. I miss it. I still talk to my gods on a daily basis, but it is not the same as spending time in shrine. I’m starting to get back into doing divination for myself. It has always been my way of communicating with the gods, but I’ve felt unequal to it lately. I’ve been very dependent on other people’s divination. Their divination has been wonderful and enlightening, but I need to renew my faith in myself. I need to trust my intuition. It has carried me this far. Along with the gods, it will take me to my goals.