Who Is It?

Someone is calling me.  It’s coming up in cold readings that others are doing for me.  I know that Djehuty wants me to work with him, but I am not sure that this Someone is him.  I also am not sure what he (I think it is a he, though gender with gods can get iffy) wants from me.  I feel like I am being called to a devotional relationship of some sort.  I don’t think I am ready to commit to anything long term, but I would really like to see the offer.  Perhaps it is something I could work towards.  I am at a confusing point.  I know that I am supposed to make choices, but how do I make choices when I don’t know what the offers are or who they are from?  Patience is a virtue that I have to work a great deal to maintain for any extent of time.

Part of me is afraid that if I don’t find out everything RIGHT NOW, it will all go away and I’ll never know what I missed.  This is not how it works, or, at least, that is what I keep telling myself.  If a god really wants to work with me, they have to use the proverbial 2×4.  I can and have sought out readings to try to see things more clearly, but that is all I can do.  At this time, I need to focus on what I do know.

I have set up a little Norse altar on a bookshelf.  I should be getting a table to use for it on Monday.  I am feeling drawn to Odin, so I am reading a good deal about him.  I want to start some rune study.  I want to do a large number of things, though, so we’ll see if I can actually get something going.  I still want to repair my relationship with Loki.  I feel drawn toward the Giants in general and would like to include several of them a general practice of some sort.  I still haven’t set up a daily routine, but I am making progress.

I still want to build a close relationship to Djehuty.  All of my writing, little of it as there is, I am dedicating to him.  He is a blessing in my life.  A friend of mine shared a ritual to honor him and the Ogdoad of Hermopolis, so I might try doing it before my writing ventures if not daily.  I still want to honor other Netjeru, but I don’t have a set daily practice for them either.  I also need to put more work into my ancestor/akhu shrine and honoring them.  I had some great ideas that I never fully completed.  They have helped me in the past, and they deserve my gratitude and respect.

This is where I am in my practice right now.  Lots to learn, lots to do, and lots of confusion.  Hopefully things will become clearer in the future.  For now, I do have enough to keep me busy if I so choose.  I am trying one last outlet to see who has been calling me.  If that doesn’t come through, I’ll assume that he doesn’t want to be known yet.  A friend suggested making offerings to him inspite of the mystery.  I am somewhat hesitant to develop a relationship when I don’t know who it is, but it’s worth considering.  Time will tell.

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Enjoying a Sumbel and Still Feeling Outside the Circle

Last night I participated in my first local sumbel.  I partook of the apple juice and not the mead (maybe next time!), and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.  It was a public sumbel put on by Nebraskan Heathens United, and around 20 people attended.  A sumbel is a heathen tradition where you toast the gods, the ancestors, and make boasts.  Oaths can also be made at sumbels.  The sumbel was preceded by a ritual, or blot as it is called.  It was an hour away, but it was definitely worth the drive.

My kemetic gods have been encouraging me to work with the heathen gods to learn some self-sufficiency.  They also want me to find a community.  I thought perhaps the heathen community might be what I was looking for.  However, I will always be the kemetic that practices heathenry.  Although the group is very helpful and open, I don’t foresee ever being invited to their private rituals.  Perhaps it will change in the future, when I have more practice under my belt.  Perhaps not.  I am glad that I have them as a community of friends, but I feel that I will always be an outsider.  Especially since I don’t know if I will be working with the heathen gods temporarily or always.  I respect their right to keep their private rituals private, and would never want to intrude.

As much as my gods seem to want me to have a local community around me, perhaps it is just not in my cards to be part of a group in the way that I desire.  I am part of the Prairie Shadow Grove and ADF, but even there my kemeticism separates me from the group.  I have found a fantastic group of kemetics online, so at least I feel part of that community,  even if it isn’t local.  I’m not the best at promoting myself.  I tend to be a bit standoffish.  My bipolar symptoms have been acting up more recently, so I have also put up protective shields on that count.  I have a few close friends in each of the groups, perhaps it should not be as important to be close to the group itself.

Thrown for a Loop: Introducing Heathenry into my Practice

Things have been busy of late.  I’ve been feeling a pull towards the Norse pantheon as well as a pull towards Djehuty.  I’ve had a number of tarot/oracle/rune readings done to try to clarify these different threads.  A friend of mine introduced me to a reader whom she knows and feels can be non-biased since a few of my readings have come back with intense and surprising results.  The results that I feel confident with are that the Kemetic pantheon does want me to work with the Norse pantheon.  They want me to become more independent and to find a local community in which to participate.  There is a somewhat local group of heathens (in a city about an hour from my home) with whom I am friendly.  I have found a kemetic home online, though not one locally.

I hold kemeticism in my heart, so although I will be approaching the Norse pantheon according to their traditions, my thought process might be a little out of the ordinary.  I am very excited and very nervous.  I have felt such a strong pull, yet I know there will be many trials for me to go through.  I have been trying to cultivate a relationship with Loki and have now added Odin into the mix.  I’m a little nervous to encounter all of the other gods, but I want to be hospitable and make a place that will welcome them.

I’ve been thinking deeply about dedicating myself to Djehuty for a year in May.  I’m not sure how this would fit into getting to know the Norse pantheon.  I will have to contemplate it some more.  Perhaps it is not time yet.  I am hoping the reading with the local reader will help me to see this point more clearly.  He has been very “loud” in giving me signs.  I can still work closely with him and for him even if I have not taken an oath of dedication.  I know he approves of me working with the Norse gods.  The question that I have right now is whether or not this dedication would hinder the Norse gods in shaping me in the ways that I need.  I thought I had it figured out, but I guess I have some more contemplating to do.