A Name

I think I may have put a bit about my shemsu name in another post. However, I thought it might be helpful to let it have it’s own post after reading Ta-idet’s beautiful piece here about their shemsu name.

I don’t have a magical name. I’ve always been rather attached to my regular name, simple as it is. When I was Catholic and went through confirmation, I put a lot of thought into choosing my saint, as their name becomes a part of your own. Even though I’m no longer Catholic and name change is not a legal one, I still consider that a part of my name. I’ve never been very good at letting things go, and I’m not always certain what should go and what should stay. When I was married, I kept my last name. I didn’t change, combine or hyphen it.

In Kemetic Orthodoxy, if you choose to take shemsu vows, you are given the name that was divined for you. Learning the many meanings of the name and how they play out in your life is a continuing journey. I was named Iretisenu (Ireti for short), which means the purpose of two. This felt very heavy to me at the time of naming. My Parents are Djehuty and Sekhmet-Mut. I assumed that the name meant I was to do what was needed for Their plans, whatever those plans might be. That is a layer, but it’s only one of them. I’ve reconnected more deeply with my KO name (and with myself) this last year, and more of the layers have started appearing.

I went to the Wep Ronpet gathering back in 2015, freshly named, and I remember not responding to the name when people tried to call me by it. It took a bit to sink in. I want to say it took a bit to write itself on my soul, but I wonder if it was more a case of me needing to clear away some of the grime that was on top of it. Perhaps it was always there, and I just couldn’t see it. Perhaps I just needed extra time to grow into it. Whatever the case, it is a part of me now.

I started this post with the idea that I would share all the different twos and dualities that I’ve found the name to encompass so far, but that might be too intimate for sharing, even by my standards. I do think there is a lot more about it for me to uncover. I also think that I might acquire other names in the future. I’m not sure why, just a feeling. The more I learn about my shemsu name, the closer I feel to my Parents. I feel not as a servant following a master’s decree, but as a child learning their parents’ trades. I have been surprised recently by similarities.

I have long described my future role as a bridge. A messenger, a mediator, and a physical bridge to help people connect with their spirits and learn to maintain that connection on their own. Djehuty’s role as a bridge was brought up recently, and it caused me to reflect on the many times He has acted in that position, the healer, the mediator, the bridge. I hadn’t seen the connection before, how I am pulled my Father’s work. I have also been pulled into the footsteps of my Mother’s path, but those details are not for this post.

And so I continue my journey as Iretisenu, encompassing dualities as I go. My other names still burn hot with activity. They are still a working part of me. Ireti, however, is beginning to step more often into the forefront. I’m excited to learn more about myself as I search deeper into the mysteries of the name.

Runes

Tonight I attended a rune workshop given by Sarenth Odinsson. There was a lot of good info, good resources, and some great questions at the end. It has me thinking yet again about what my relationship with the runes is meant to be. “Meant” is such tricky language. The wrong language. The wrong way of thinking. When I have a set idea of how a relationship should be, I know I have it wrong.

The runes have been in and out of my life for at least a few years. I bought a ceramic set a long time ago. It was one of those mass produced sets that contained a blank rune. I used it somewhat, but I’m not sure what happened to it. Obviously it was not the most historically accurate since it contained a blank rune, but that took me a while to realize.

I acquired a lot of books. I also acquired 3 more rune sets. These are all wooden. At least two were gifted to me. I started galdring before I realized what it was, and now I cycle through periods where I feel compelled to use it. I won’t think of them for months, and then I find my self walking in the park or admiring the backyard trees and the sounds start to flow.

At the beginning of the year I spent a few weeks drawing bind runes on myself to try them out. I wanted to better acquaint myself with the energies of the runes and combinations. I have been meaning to draw more on myself, but things haven’t haven’t felt right.

I am perplexed. I feel like I’m in a bit of a liminal space with the runes. There is something I’m not quite getting. I’m unsure if we are meant to work together or not. They fall into my life and into my head, but is that just a consequence of proximity? Is there a blockage due to a lack of gebo, or is my timing simply off? I don’t understand their place in my life, if they have one, if they want one, or if it’s just a proximity effect. I suppose it might be clearer further along the path. One can hope.

Swallowing the Nail

This is mostly just an emotional ramble about where I’m currently at, so feel free to skip it. I feel like I should put a trigger warning in about discussing metaphorically swallowing a nail, so there it is.

A year or two ago, I received a message from Loki that if I didn’t learn how to properly restart my life, he would keep burning it down until I did. The burning is starting to happen, though I’m the one who stacked the firewood.

Restarting involves letting go of what is no longer needed. That has long been a struggle of mine. I’m beginning to realize that letting go involves more than just dropping something. I don’t think I fully realized until recently how much releasing requires the addressing of loose ends. If you just drop and run, whether literally or metaphorically, there is still an energetic connection pulling on you. The person or object or situation that you left in the lurch will continue to haunt you in some way, be it through your thoughts, your dreams, or your emotions.

If you try to swallow a nail to hold onto it, it will tear up your insides. It will find a way out. Even by swallowing you won’t get to keep it, though it might destroy you in the process. This is a bit of where I’m at. I seem to want to do it the hard way. This year I will have to learn how to actually release. Fear, a fragile ego (both overblown and delicate), and a lack of self-belief will all be brought to the table.

I am scared about some big mistakes that I will have to admit and rectify, even if it is just myself that needs to hear the revelation. I will have to learn some true humility through asking for help and admitting errors.

I’m potentially more scared about about addressing the injustices done to me. I was told recently that this is also a thing I need to do. I think that message was from Freyja, and it took me aback when I heard it. I don’t normally think of myself as having suffered injustices. However, I do hold on to resentment, which must come from somewhere. I also tend to turn pain and anger inwards, punishing myself far more than anyone else. This adds to my difficulty in moving out of stagnancy because I don’t feel deserving of movement.

I told someone recently that I’m worried about ruining online friendships because I’m “harder to handle in person.” She responded that perhaps the statement was a self-fulfilling prophecy based in past events or feelings of rejection rather than an actual fact. Her assessment feels correct. Perhaps those past experiences are some of the injustices done to me that I have to rebalance.

I feel the nail moving through me. I’m starting to see the damage and feel the pain as it tears my insides. (Metaphorically speaking. Please do not swallow a nail. Never swallow a nail. Have a cookie. Or cheese.) I will have to take myself apart from the inside. I dread it. However, a part of me has already moved on. It is having a lovely time forging ahead, just waiting for the rest of me to tie up lose ends and catch up. And so I move.

The Value of the Journey

I’m sitting in the breakroom at work, debating whether to write a blog. I slept on an air mattress last night due to weather conditions. I had planned ahead, so I brought shower stuff, decks and clothes.

I’m imbibing my caffeine, 5 hours before my shift, drawing cards and pondering how to spend my day. The idea of blogging crosses my mind. I was so excited the first I realized that I could actually compose a whole post from my phone a few weeks or months ago. The second thought is concern. Do I want to dump my energy into a post that I might not finish?

I took a step back and examined the thought. Logically, I see the silliness in discounting the importance and benefit of action, whether or not the result is what I intended. Realistically, I am fully aware that this silly thinking is often a part of how I approach things. I tend to put all the importace on the end result and none of it on the journey itself.

Now I’m thinking of ma’at, the correct flow. I prefer the word harmony to balance because balance to me infers an unnatural and static evening, cutting out equal proportions despite what is actually needed. When I look at the world through the lens of ma’at, everything is in movement and end results are just side effects. Nice little blips on the path of life, but just that. Little blips. The actual importance is in the journey, the movement, the flow.

There have been countless times when I’ve delayed or chosen not to do something simply because I feared that the end result might not be what I wanted. I didn’t know one way or the other. I simply feared and let that lead the way. There have been many times with different deities when I had assumed that our connection was done because I thought that I had not done the thing or gotten to the point they wanted me to be. Then, months or years later, I realize the connection is still there. The journey is still in progress. I just wasn’t looking.

Many (or perhaps all) of us who work with the gods feel stuck or unworthy or disconnected at different times. It’s harder to see the journey when you’re in the midst of it. It’s hard to see how far you’ve come when all you can see is the distance in front of you. And so, I am occasionally reminded to pause and spin. Acknowledge the path behind as well as the one ahead. Not to stop, as that just leads me to stagnancy, but pause and spin. The value really is in the journey.

The Kemetic Bloghop 2021 – Netjeru Connections

I’m going to attempt to participate in the kemetic bloghop hosted here as a way to have at least some focused posts and engage with the community. No promises, but I’m excited to see how it goes. The current topic is:

 The word “relationship” can mean different things to different people. How do you view your relationships with specific Netjeru? How do they compare and contrast to human relationships? How do you maintain your divine relationships?

I may make a second post talking about non-Kemetic deities, but we’ll see. I have mentioned some of those connections already in other posts. The first significant part of this topic is that I’m a shemsu within Kemetic Orthodoxy. This means that I have had divination and ritual done to identify (basically ask Them to step forward) my Parents and Beloveds. This was done for me back in 2015. The only Netjeru I was surprised by was the first of my Beloveds, who is Bast. Djehuty and Sekhmet-Mut stepped forward as my Parents, and Bast, Set, and Yinepu-Wepwawet as my Beloveds (think extended family or close family friends, not romantic connections).

Djehuty was on the first altar I set up when I started practicing polytheism, even before I identified as having a Kemetic practice. He has been there from the beginning, and I’ve always felt positive Dad-type vibes from him. Sekhmet-Mut entered my life a bit later, though I’m not sure if I had started the beginner course with KO yet or not. I saw a post written about her on the blog “Carrying the Light” and she took a solid place in my mind and my life from that time forward. She felt so very motherly (in a positive way) to me.

There was a period of time where I felt more distant from my Parents, and I wondered if that was partly due to some of the hang-ups I have with my human parents. I think there were times when I identified Them too much with their rolls as my Parents and forgot about Their other aspects. There are definitely some similarities in my relationships to my human parents and my Divine Parents, but there are definite differences that I’ve had to untangle. I never perform well when people attempt to box me into their preconceptions, and I have to keep reminding myself that the same is true if I try to box in my relationships with the Netjeru. Frankly, it’s true with any relationship. There is always more to be discovered.

How I view and connect to my Beloveds is definitely different from my Parents. Set and Yinepu-Wepwawet (who mostly comes in as Yinepu/Anubis) feel like close friends and buddies. Helpful, loving, protective beings who are always up for stirring up a little fun and a little trouble. At times they feel like wise uncles. At other times they feel like mischievous friends. I have so much love and respect for them both. My relationship with Bast is a bit different. She was the one Netjeru who I was sure would not show up in my RPD (Rite of Parent Divination) or in my life in general. When Bast stepped forward as my first Beloved, I briefly took a step back. It’s been 5 years since my RPD. I have a lot more respect for Bast and a bit more understanding of her, though our relationship still has far to go. She wants to help me accept the parts of myself that I have trouble accepting. She is not going away and has been very patient with me cautiously circling her, engaging for a bit, and then circling some more. I have a lot of different emotions tied up in my relationship to Bast, and in some ways it still feels both potent and undefined.

There are a few other Netjeru who have had significant impact on my life in the last few years. Aset and Heru-sa-Aset are two of these. Aset feels very queenly to me. When she is around, she feels like the relative for whom you dress up. She has had a lot to say about the importance of respect for oneself and one’s space. She doesn’t seem to approve of or appreciate untidy spaces, so she doesn’t always visit. Heru-sa-Aset came across in a very loving, brotherly way that I never expected. I think there is a lot for me to explore in both those relationships. There are other Netjeru that come in and out of my life, but this part seems pertinent to now.

How do I maintain my divine relationships? With lots of tripping over myself. I have shrines and altars. I make offerings. Kemetic offerings are reverted, so sometimes I will take the extra minute or two to acknowledge the Netjeru and offer my meal before I consume it. I remember more often to offer my tea to Djehuty. I do ritual. I celebrate certain holidays with them, such as Wep Ronpet. When I have trouble doing all that, I try to remember to just talk to them. In the car on my drive to or from work. When I’m getting ready to go do something. If I see or do something that one of the Netjeru might appreciate, I might talk to them about it or invite them along while I do the thing. I am working on remembering that I can dedicate certain actions beforehand. Things that I like or want to do that I know the Netjeru would appreciate. Acknowledging Sekhmet-Mut and / or Set when I exercise (which is not often). Acknowledging Djehuty when I write. I know that the Netjeru love me and want me to be my best self, so inviting them to watch the process or be a part of it is a good way to stay connected. I just try to remember to invite them into my life.

I do want to end with a little general commentary. I was listening to some videos on youtube recently that brought up a lot of really good points about deity work and worship, similarities and differences, and all that jazz. Some of the videos however were against the idea of deities in parent or familial roles. It was mentioned that this was anthropomorphizing the Gods too much. I am of the opinion that the Netjeru (and other deities) are more than we can properly conceive of, but that whether we box them in human roles or non-human ones, it’s still boxing. Just because someone feels a familial connection to a deity doesn’t mean that the person only sees the deity in that role, and I’m not sure it’s wrong if they do. Individuals are so varied, as are relationships, so I try to be open-minded and tolerant. I take things with grain of salt, but I not try to salt others’ food because really I don’t actually know what they’re eating or what their tastes are. As always, thanks for reading.

Absorbency

Like a lot of people, I’ve found that I can be unconsciously absorbent. I might take on others’ opinions, others’ shadows, and even others’ habits without full awareness that they aren’t mine. In response to realizing that, I’ve built a rather stout wall around myself, still a bit unsure as to how to get a fence and gate to work for me. Some people don’t understand that extra aloofness is sometimes simply a safety measure I enact because I’m still trying to figure out how to functionally build and uphold normal boundaries. Obviously it’s not a very useful solution, and I am trying harder to replace the cold stone wall with healthy, living boundaries.

I’m also getting better at detecting when something isn’t mine. I’ve finally fully realized that my relationship with a certain god might be clouded by other people’s muck. I’ve had a lot of confusing and conflicting thoughts and feelings about this particularly deity of late, and I’m beginning to realize that some (though probably not all) of that might be do to my having piled other people’s connections, perceptions, and conflicts with this deity onto my self.

So it’s time to clear my string, pull out my cards, go on a journey (or several), and start regaining my clarity as to my own view and opinion of said deity. I’m still deeply enmeshed with the lesson of being sovereign within my own life, and this seems to be part of it. Figuring out what I really want and need has always been a challenge. Removing myself from interactions and input for bits of time does help, but it’s not a full solution. My tool set is still a work in progress, but it’s nice to see that progress is happening.

Ramblings and Kemetic Orthodoxy in My Life

I got all comfy to start reading, but after a short bit into my books I was reminded of a few things. Reading is something I enjoy. Setting aside time for to read is important, as it is an activity that feeds my ka. However, reading, even if it’s quiet and alone, is not the same as diving into myself. I’m still taking in external input. So here I am, in bed with my music and cold brew, setting aside my books to dig deep and spread it out on the page. Only future me knows if this will actually make it to a public post, but that’s not really the focus.

It is currently Saturday evening as I write this, and this week seemed to extend for eons while it was happening. Sunday night I was in such distress. Last Samhain, I made vows/oaths (I’m still sussing out the differences) to a specific deity who had entered my personal sphere. It is a deity relationship that is very different from my other connections. Last Sunday, it suddenly occurred to me that these vows/oaths might somehow conflict with the vows I made when I became a shemsu in Kemetic Orthodoxy. I later realized (with some help) that they didn’t conflict, but it sent me off down the rabbit hole of vows/oaths in the context of religion and spiritual practice. As someone who was married in the Catholic church and is now legally divorced, vows in that respect have also been on my mind.

Here is a little background about my history with Kemetic Orthodoxy (KO). In 2014-2015, I took the beginner’s class. A free, online class that you apply for and happens over the course of several months. I set up my first ancestor altar as part of the corse, so it really helped me open a lot doors in my spiritual life. If you complete the beginner’s course, your have the option to apply for the Rite of Parent Divination (where ritual and divination methods are used to determine with Netjeru are stepping forth as your parent(s) and beloved(s) (think extended family). If you choose to go through the RPD and accept it’s results, you have the opportunity to take vows to those gods (and I think to the religion, hazy memory) and become a shemsu. It is a serious business. There is a process for removing those vows one’s shemsu-hood, though I am not certain what it entails. More reliable info can be found at the religion’s website and the forums.

I went through the beginner class and chose to go through the RPD and the naming (you receive a name when you take shemsu vows). I was very aware of seriousness of it and attempted to give the decision the weight it deserved. I was active on tumblr at this time, and there were some very pro- Kemetic Orthodox people and some very much against it, as is the case with every organized religion.

I had some online friends for a while who were very much not in favor of KO. I was going through a lot of changes and insecurities myself, and I stopped interacting with the KO community for a good while, though I never changed my vows. It was always in the back of my mind. It would have been a helpful place of support during some of my more painful shifts (ie divorce, moving). Those gods never fell out of my life. I was simply having the struggle that seems to repeat itself with me (lesson unlearned?), trying to figure out where/how I fit into a group.

Practitioners are spread out across the world, but the home base of the community was a long but doable day’s drive away, so I did attend a lovely holiday celebration/retreat in person in 2015. I hadn’t started doing journey work yet, and was still rather new to so many things. The community was and has always been lovely and welcoming to me. Most are. Feeling like an outsider has always been on my side with the communities I’ve been lucky enough to know. As I and my practice has slowly started to mature, it’s less of an issue, but there is still work/healing/whatnot around that area to do.

Last year, the founder of KO gave an interview on one of my favorite podcasts, Glitchbottle. It led me to apply to become a sau apprentice under her. Sau apprenticeship does not require one be a member of KO, it’s completely separate. However, it did lead me to the path to reconnect with the religion that I never really left. Which I think I knew would happen. I’m still reconnecting. I seem to take the windiest (as in very swervy, not lots of fast air) of routes sometimes.

KO doesn’t prevent you from practicing other faiths or spiritualities. The founder, Dr. Siuda, is also an initiated mambo in a Haitian Vodou house, so even she has multiple paths and obligations. I’m still figuring out the best way for me to follow my multiple paths, though I’ve known for a long time that I would always be multi-trad. Even my shemsu name reflects that on a certain level. Iretisenu, the purpose of two.

That was the beginning of the week. Hel gave me a kindly smackdown in the middle, but this post seems long enough, so perhaps I’ll discuss that another day.

Three Sizes Too Small

It’s been a while since I’ve realized that at some point my heart shrunk. It shrunk drastically, and I tend to think of it as grinch-sized at present, 3 sizes too small. I think Hades coming into my life is partly to help stretch it back out, but it’s a slow process.

It feels so dried and shriveled sometimes, but I guess that is what happens when you refuse to engage in life. Hel has been kicking me about that again. I have always known that I am not a death worker. I am not a death midwife, though I am friends with some. I love and engage with my ancestors, but I’ve always known the work I was meant to do sits on the side of life, not death.

My connections with death and my comfort in the underworld will probably just keep increasing, but that isn’t a good excuse to play at being a corpse. I have been told to stop laying in my rot. I want to say that it’s past time I got up, and it is, but that always makes me feel like I’ve missed the boat. I haven’t. The boat is still waiting. But I do need to get a move on.

Journey Work – The Pillar

I typed up my recent death tent experience to share with a few people, and I thought I’d post it here. Death tent is what Cris Ashburn (her patreon, her website) has titled her small group trance meet-ups that she leads. As always, you can take it or leave it. Some of this journey a lot of background that I won’t be sharing. Some parts might make less sense because of that, but I still feel prodded to share it, so here it is.

I most often start my trance journeys by lying in my coffin in a clearing and sinking down into the dirt. Since this was about sending energy out to the pillar and possibly receiving some back, I thought I might end up just rooting in the soil and staying there the whole time. However, I almost immediately fell through the soil and landed on my butt in the desert. I assumed it was the Duat, though I could be wrong. It reminded me of where I often land when I start my Kemetic work. I didn’t encounter any of my Kemetic deities. It felt a like a reminder of work I have to do there. My first reaction was “No, this is not what I’m supposed to be doing right now.” I heard a response of “No, this is right. You’re still doing the thing, this is where you’re supposed to be.” And then I got up and things got a little trippy. It felt like I was stepping through my different lifetimes with each step forward, seeing the pillar existing throughout, being added to and used by people throughout the ages.

It felt that once my body got settled into trance, a part of me jumped out of myself to do some weaving. The feeling was “Finally! Took her/me long enough to do a decent trance again. Time to get to work.” At one point, possibly next, I was riding Sleipnir, it felt like a full out gallop though I’m sure Sleipnir can go much faster. It was tremendous, as it’s been a while since I’ve done that. I saw some of our energy from the ride feeding into the pillar. The energy from the action and the joy were feeding it. Then it felt like it was time to visit Hades, so I dismounted and said my farewell.

I stood still and sunk straight down through the soil. The pillar still reached there. I was a little confused. Wasn’t it just for the living? There was something about it I didn’t quite grasp. Hades offered me his hand and we danced for a bit, again the energy and the joy was feeding the pillar. Then I took him by the hand and brought him with me into Hel’s garden. I don’t know why I didn’t want to go alone, but I didn’t. I was there to tend my ancestral plants a bit. And then I shifted into a plant and reached even farther back. I felt the pillar before man, the non-humans that also added to and used the beam.

I shifted back to human, and opened my mouth, emitting an energy wave towards the being of joy. It was like silent singing. I was unaware of anything else. Every time I opened my mouth, this silent joyful beam came out. Then three covered women joined me. I looked down at my now naked body, and it was covered in deep cuts. But I couldn’t stop opening my mouth. The women silently bandaged my wounds for a bit, until I finally pulled away. It was time to move on. I’m not sure if I actually thanked them, but I had that intention, along with the strong desire to leave them and go see Niddhoggr.

Normally, when I go down to see Niddhoggr, I will run down through the inside of Yggdrasil. This time, however, it was more like riding down an elevator. I stood still inside of Yggdrasil as I was gently lowered down. I was so happy to see Niddhoggr, as it had been such a long time. She emits strong maternal vibes. I cuddled with her for a while, like a child does with a favorite parent, and then she began eating little bits of rot off of me without disturbing the bandages. A mother cleaning her child.

I could tell it was getting closer to time to come back. So I bid her goodbye and went up Yggdrasil. I wasn’t quite done yet, however. I had one more stop. I sat at the edge of the water, Jormungandr in the distance, and drank my bowl of Fenrir’s blood. It now seems like such an old habit, sitting, connecting, and drinking. And then I was done, and it was time to head back. The drumming (over Zoom) had started again. One last thing happened before I was fully back. Loki placed a bunch of candles or tiny fires in me. I was in my clearing, about to fully come back, but he appeared and did this one last thing. Then it was done.

There are probably parts I’m forgetting, like when I reached toward the pillar in the beginning and felt an intense blow back of energy. But based of the bit of notes I made at the time, this is what I remember.

Musings on Current Struggles Along My Path

I am currently struggling hard with what seems to be one of the major lessons for me this life (and potentially from past lives): combining the spiritual with the mundane parts of my life. The divide between the two is rather imaginary, and yet I seem to swing drastically from one to the other. I do believe that part of one’s soul has the potential to reincarnate and that in at least some of my past lives I chose to focus on one side with disregard to the other. I don’t think I always chose the same path, but the result is always missing a part of what I need.

My ancestors have long been trying to convince me to shift my employment to one that is less traditional and more spiritually aligned. It feels like the right move, but I’ve let fear bar the way thus far. I know that it is possible to have an active life that encompasses both this world and the others, but knowing something and believing something are two different things.

Right now, I feel my internal structure falling away piece by piece. Old emotions from wounding keep flowing forth at different intervals. It’s not easy to stomach, but I have to let them flow if I want the way to be cleared for the new. I’m very lucky that I haven’t had to endure much physical pain in my life, but my emotional pain reminds a bit of being drawn and quartered. The more I resist the harder it will pull, so I’m trying to let the water take me where it will.

It’s not all pain. I told someone yesterday that my personality has the blessing (or curse) of seeing the sometimes annoying silver lining. I still have access to contentedness and even joy at times, the roller coaster of the the waves. It is a blessing to be able to remember the beauty of the moon on even the cloudiest of nights.

There is a huge dissonance between what I see as possible in general and what I see as possible for myself. I need to tweak my tuning, bring my harmonies into balance, perhaps get a pair of spectacles for internal viewing. Somehow I will have to clear away the blindspots that seem to exist only when I look within. I always thought “You can’t have your cake and eat it too” to be one of the stupidest statements. Of course you can eat if you have it. Otherwise, what’s the point of having it? A stale cake collection?

Normally, at a time like this, I would prefer to lay the bricks and wall myself off, protecting others as best I can from my emotional outpouring. However, that doesn’t seem to be a workable plan anymore. Learning to integrate the spiritual with the mundane and realize that they were never separate is impossible in an immurement. It doesn’t mean exist without thoughtfulness, compassion, or tact, but it does require interaction. Probably making missteps along the way I learn how everything flows together and how best to weave it for my own life.