I have a stack of boxes in my kitchen waiting to be broken down and recycled. It stares at me everyday as I open the refrigerator door. Every week, on the night before the recycling truck comes by, I find some excuse not to fold them up and get rid of them. Why? Probably laziness. However, I find myself oddly attached to the stack of boxes as it grows and ebbs. I never seem to be able to get rid of ALL the boxes. There are always a few that get left behind.
I’ve been thinking a lot about boxes recently. I’m a box-type person. I like segmenting things into categories and boxes. At least, that is what I thought. The more I move forward with my religious path, though, I just don’t seem to fit into boxes like I used to do.
I did spend the majority of my life as a practicing Catholic. I fit quite well into that box for awhile. There is nothing wrong with that box. I simply came to a place where I noticed that parts of me were hanging over the sides. Then I realized at some point that the box didn’t fit at all anymore. I kept trying to fit into it.
When I became a Pagan, I started seeing all sorts of different boxes. I thought for sure that I would be able to find one that fit. I started out in Hellenismos and then moved on to druidry. I picked up kemeticism and later added heathenry. Lastly, I joined a student Wiccan coven to learn more about myself and Wicca, even though I know I’m not Wiccan.
I’m starting to realize again that I just seem to be forcing myself into different boxes again. I feel called to work with people, so I thought for sure that there would be a group that I would click with. The more experience I get, however, the more I wonder if perhaps I just don’t understand how I’m supposed to work with people. I need to let things flow. My Gods want me to focus on my own path right now. I just have to decide if the boxes that I’ve acquired are still useful to keep around or if it is simply time to recycle them.