It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything here. Now that I’m stuck at home with a broken ankle, however, I don’t have any excuses left. Here is a brief update.
The Kemetic Side
I’m taking the beginner’s class for Kemetic Orthodoxy. I applied back in April last year. When I didn’t hear back, I figured that maybe it just wasn’t meant to be. I did hear back in November. I think that actually worked out a lot better than if I had been accepted to the earlier class. There are only a few weeks left. Deep down, I feel like I’m meant to go through the RPD, and that scares me. My path has been a mix of so many things. I don’t really want to commit to something if I’m going to be pulled in a different direction later on. I know that the Kemetic Gods will always come first for me. I suppose if this is where I’m meant to be now, it’s not worth worrying about the unknown future. Djehuty seems to think that I’m moving in the right direction for me, so I guess it’s okay to go with it.
I have come to realize that my belief in the Kemetic Gods’ ability to syncretize with each other makes me more of a soft polytheist than I previously thought. I don’t think that all Gods syncretize with each other. I also think there is a difference between aspects and syncretizations. I’m still trying to wrap my head around all of it. It seems to me that there is a lot of baggage attached to the terms soft polytheist and hard polytheist. Perhaps I should just refer to myself as a polytheist and leave it at that.
The Druid Side
I’m still a member of ADF. I actually wrote a group ritual celebrating a few Slavic Gods for our proto-grove last year. I love the group aspect, but I’m still trying to figure out how druidry fits into my personal practice. ADF focuses on the Indo-European pantheons. For some reason, I feel a pull to explore all of the different Indo-European pantheons and write rituals celebrating them. It feels like a tall order, but I’ll see where it goes. I’m planning on writing a group ritual for the Spring that celebrates the Vedic Gods. I need to get started on my research.
I’ve been feeling like I should have a set Indo-European hearth culture for my personal ADF practice. Part of me wants to reincorporate the Greek pantheon into my practice. The other part of me wants to use the Norse pantheon so that I have a more set way of honoring Loki. I suppose that trying both is the only way to figure it out. It seems a bit overwhelming when I stop to think about it. There are times when I wish I just had one focus to my path. It just doesn’t seem to be in the cards for me. Djehuty seems to be encouraging me in this multi-path route (or whatever it is), so hopefully I’m not completely lost.
The Loki Side
I misread some signals about my relationship with Loki last year. I let some parts fall off that I shouldn’t have. Frankly, I fell into a deep depression at one point and let my whole practice fall off. I’ve slowly been trying to put back the pieces that I want to keep. My relationship with Loki is a piece that I want to keep. I’m not sure where to start with this relationship, but I guess I could start at the beginning again. Normally this would include me lighting incense and spending time at my altar. Unfortunately, all of that is downstairs and out of reach until my ankle heals (my basement stairs are treacherous). I guess I should just start by talking. I could try doing some devotional writing as well. My writing skills are meager, but it always makes me feel better and more connected.
The Wiccan Side
I’ve been celebrating the full moons with a (somewhat) local coven. I’m not a member, but I appreciate the fellowship. I feel like I have had a certain amount of prejudice towards Wicca, and I would like to understand more about it. I need to spend some time figuring out exactly what it is that I want to know.
I guess this wasn’t as brief as I thought it would be. I feel like I’ve made some progress on my spiritual path, though in some ways it still feels like a mess. One thing is clear. I have a lot of work to do in order to get closer to where I want to be. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel settled in my practice, but I do think it is possible to feel more settled than I do now. I have to learn to trust my instincts. I tend to worry to much about how others view my mess of a path instead of acknowledging that what I do works for me. Djehuty has tried to assure me that I’m going in the right direction, but sometimes it is unsettling and overwhelming when I look at where I’m at and where I want to go. I’m trying to trust myself and my Gods.