Set has come into my life. He curtailed His chaos a little when I finally acknowledged, “Yes, I see You.” I feel like He is here to get me through something and on to the next part. I’m still trying to figure out what that something is and how I’m going to do it. Letting go seems to be one theme. This is not a new theme for me. I think Hekate has been trying to get me to let go ever since I started down this polytheism path. In the beginning, I’d see someone else’s path and think, “Yes, please, that is what I want.” I know it doesn’t work that way, but that doesn’t keep me from falling back into the same old traps. I don’t communicate with the Gods as easily as some of my friends. I take delight in the fact that some of my friends have such an easy time communicating with their Gods because I see the happiness that it brings to them. I also play the pity party with myself and wonder if I will ever get better at receiving communication. My biggest fear is that there is no communication to receive. I don’t doubt the Gods’ existence. I simply doubt Their interest in me. However, I must remind myself again, I have only been doing this for a matter of months. I would not even be a walking, talking human yet if I was a baby.
Patience. I am not a patient person. Part of me is a procrastinator. The other part of me is an “early is on time, on time is late, and you’d better not be actually late” kind of person. I tend to be the first to arrive and then wonder when everyone is going to arrive. Good results take work and time. I need patience. I’m not even sure if my view of what I think my religious life should be life is what I’m supposed to be letting go. I do think it is one of the things that I need to release. Djehuty has been trying to get me to be more accepting and trusting of my own discernment, so I’m going to say that comparing my practice is one thing that I need to let go. Comparing myself in general to what and where I think I should be is something I need to let go. Perhaps I need to forget about patience and focus on acceptance. It may never get any easier for me to interact with the Gods. I am not in a bad place. I need to accept that.
I must say that I find the idea of working with Set somewhat intimidating. It took me a while to figure out why. All of my Gods have Their darker sides. I already worship a chaotic Deity in Loki, so that is not new to me. I’m not about to say that Set has more rage than Sekhmet-Mut. She is a Queen not to be crossed, but I still feel great deal more love than intimidation for Her. I think it is the simple fact that I didn’t approach Him. Set showed up at the door of this partially-formed polytheist and just kept banging until I opened up. I get the feeling that He is here to help me progress. Perhaps one of my Gods asked Him to help kick me in the rear. I may never know.
I do know that Set seems to be taking over a lot of my tarot readings. I don’t know when Anyone Else will get a word in. Loki managed to take over a reading the other day, but it made me sad. He said He’s going to be gone for a bit. We need some time apart or something of the sort. Of course this comes on the eve of July, when there will be posts everywhere about Him. I’m not sure how this will change things on my end. I don’t expect any God to stay by my side, but He seemed to want me to take a step back as well. I will try to focus on the Netjeru in July, though my tumblr will probably still reflect all of the Loki reblogging that July will surely bring. I will refrain from calling to Him during my prayers. I suppose I should stop writing letters to Him during July. I don’t like letting this practice go, but I can spend the time writing to my other Deities. One month of space will hopefully be enough. He didn’t state a time, but He did make it seem temporary. It seemed like He is giving me space because I have work to do that does not involve Him. I’m not the best at giving space, so it will be trial and error. It just makes me a little sad that I have to distance myself from Him. There is always the possibility that I have completely misunderstood and tomorrow I will feel Him stronger than ever.
Even if I have to take some time apart from Loki, I still have my other Deity relationships to depend on. Sekhmet-Mut is still as loving and protective as ever. Anpu is also protective, though a bit more subtle. Djehuty is helping to keep me motivated about writing and school. I’ll probably look to Him more for a few laughs without Loki around. Hekate is there to remind me when I’m avoiding things and letting my regular life get out of control. She also gives me a pat on the back when I’ve done well. She makes me hold myself accountable. As for Set, I’m not quite sure where He fits in yet. Time will tell.