One of Many, One Alone

I am the member of several groups right now.  On June 24th, I went through the Rite of Parent Divination with Kemetic Orthodoxy.  My Parents were divined as Sekhmet-Mut and Djehuty.  My Beloveds were divined as Bast, Yinepu (Anubis)-Wepwawet, and Set.  I went through the naming process where I dedicated myself to these Gods above Others on June 26th.  My new name is Iretisenu, purpose of two.  I’m not yet sure that this will affect my relationship with Odin or Loki, but I still want to work with Them.

The same week that I had my RPD, I was accepted as a student into the Red Oak Coven, a part of the Order of the Red Grail.  My Eastern Gate ceremony will be on July 26th.  I assume it is an entrance ceremony of some kind.  Although I’m not Wiccan, I think it will help me to see other viewpoints.  I know it will challenge me.

I’m still a member and the treasure of our local druid grove.  I initially joined ADF to meet people.  My involvement grew from there.  ADF has a lot to offer, but I’m still working through the initial dedicant’s path.  I’ve been dragging my feet.  I think part of it is me being unsure about the oath that you take at the end of the DP.  I don’t know if it’s something that I can do, but I won’t know unless I complete the course work first.

The more I get integrated with these groups, the more I feel like a solitary.  My practice is something specific to me.  I’m learning a lot from the different groups, but I keep getting the feeling that I really need to put my own spin on things.  The first three months of last year I did a daily informal devotional ritual to my Gods.  It was something that I came up with myself, and I took so much joy in doing.  However, I got burned out.  I tried to do too much.  I would like to get back to the place where I was before I burned out.

I’ve developed so much fear about what will happen next.  What will happen as I fall more deeply in love with my Gods?  It is something that my heart wants and my ego doesn’t.  That letting go, dropping into the unknown, is difficult for me.  I feel like the Fool card in tarot, standing over the precipice.  I need to take the next step.  I just have to pray that I will find the courage to do it.

Edit:  I forgot to mention Nebraska Heathens United.  In an effort to honor Odin’s wishes by participating in the Heathen community, I am trying to help this organization become community run instead of having to depend completely on the small group of leadership.  The leadership is ready to pass the torch onto the community, and I’m trying to help make that transition a smooth one.  The community is great, I am just not sure where I stand with Odin, especially now.  Time will tell.

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