A Blot and Sumbel, an Execration, and Finding My Homes

I attended my second blot and sumbel with Nebraska Heathens United on Saturday. It was amazing and very interactive. Next time, however, I need to make sure I drink some water after I’ve had the mead. ~_^ My friend performed seidhr. It was her first experience as a public oracle, and she did an amazing job. I finally got a straightforward answer from Odin. I’ve been wondering what he wants from me. I had been told that I already knew and was just ignoring it. That was true. The answer I received during the seidhr confirmed what I had been ignoring from my heart. I’m not sure how I’m going to do it, or how I’m going to fit it in with my love for and practice of kemeticism. I feel as if I’ve been growing towards leadership. The way I answer questions and respond to situations still needs some work, but I am becoming more direct and decisive with each passing day. I’ve never really thought about myself as a leader. A support role or even a loner role is what I’m most familiar with. I still have to come out of my shell more and make a concerted effort to get to know people. Opening myself up more is something that I’ve need to work on for a while. I’ve been putting it off, taking shelter with those whom I already know well. It is time to start branching out. It is time to make myself heard.

Saturday was also the new moon. Some of the kemetics on tumblr came up with the idea of performing an execration every new moon, called “Poopacolypse 2k15” to fight A/pep and uphold ma’at. I am proud to say that I finally participated this new moon, and I plan on participating the rest of the year. Watching the bonfire burn after the sumbel, it hit me that I needed to execrate. Since that wasn’t the place to do it, I waited until I got home and then did some burning of my own. Execrations have never been a big part of my practice, but I feel it is becoming a permanent part.

I have been neglecting my ancestors. I have been avoiding my altars and shrines in general because I have been feeling that I won’t be doing enough. This is a silly feeling. The Gods have made that clear to me. Yet it is a feeling that I will have to work through all the same. I talk to my ancestors somewhat, and they still help me, but I know that I am shirking my duties in honoring them. I want to form a strong bond with them, however, so I need to work through my fears of not being perfect. Trying and failing is better than not trying at all in this particular case.

Here I am, a person with at least two religious homes. Both heathenry and kemeticism feel natural to me, though for very different reasons. I’ve always identified with the liminal, so perhaps this shouldn’t come as a surprise. I will have to see where the future takes me. I oathed to study runes at the sumbel. I have a pile of books on Ancient Egypt that I want to get through. I would like to complete the dedicant’s path in ADF by the middle of next year. I also have some things to learn about Wicca and Witchcraft in general. It is all interconnected in some way. In the last two years I have made a great deal of progress. It is still slow going, especially since I still have mood swings to deal with, but at least I feel like I’m headed somewhere.

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