It has come up a lot over the past few years in readings done by people whom I don’t know that who I am and what I project are two very different things. I am not sure how to change this. I am slowly trying to break down the walls that I have built over the years. As with most people, there has always been stress to meet certain expectations of others. I am slowly trying to find myself again, but it is difficult.
I thought I had a life path all figured out, but it went down the drain when my bipolar disorder became too overwhelming. I picked up some bad habits with negative thinking, fear of failure and fear of success. Although I have been feeling better recently, my fears have kept me locked in a rut. I am moving forward, but it is slow and painful. I’m fighting myself.
In kemeticism, there is a concept called Zep Tepi. It is a new beginning. You can find Zep Tepi in every day, every second. You can and are constantly starting anew. I need to remember this. I need to let go of the stagnation, the shame of the past, and the fear of the future. I need to focus on the now and be mindful. I need to trust my intuition. The most important thing for me, however, is to accept happiness. I have experienced such deep lows that I am afraid to be happy. I feel undeserving. I also feel that if I let myself be happy then the drop to depression will be more severe. This is not to say that I don’t enjoy things, but I do tend to sabotage my chances at harmony and consistent happiness. I find a great deal of happiness in my relationships with my gods. I need to focus on what I need and what I want. I need to celebrate my joy.
Streaking Fate 