Spring Equinox, Not Being Social, and Stagnation

On Saturday, I celebrated the Spring Equinox in a public ADF ritual.  We wrote a Vedic ritual honoring Savitr and Pusan, two solar deities.  Our grove likes to celebrate different pantheons in our public rituals to be more inclusive.  Vedism was the religion that preceded Hinduism.  Although some of the deities are shared between the two, there are a number of differences.  This article on the ADF website talks about Vedism for those interested.  All told, the ritual went off well despite a few minor issues.  It was a bit cold and windy outside.  The candles wouldn’t stay lit.  We had three adorable children (the daughters and son of our treasurer) help with the offerings.  Nothing spilled and nothing broke.  There were a few rather long pauses in certain points, but as I am always in a rush, it is good practice for my patience.

I did notice that my desire to be sociable seems to be regressing a bit.  At the times when it hit me that it would be good to introduce myself to new people, I refrained.  I don’t know how I expect to be any sort of community leader if I can’t interact well with people whom I don’t yet know.  That is something which I will have to work hard on this year.  I can blame it on still coming out of my mixed episode and feeling vulnerable, but these are things that I will have to continuously overcome, so blaming does nothing.

I also have to fight through the not doing that comes out of fearing of “doing it wrong.”  I am not a reconstructionist, though I may be recon-inspired.  The gods would prefer that I try something that may or may not be exactly correct as opposed to doing nothing out of fear of messing up.  I have started stagnating and have been having trouble getting a daily practice back up and going.  Learning about things is good, but it does not replace doing.  Part of religion is to practice it.  Even if all I can do is light a stick of incense and offer it up to the gods, that is what I need to do.  I really need to get past this fear that comes from comparing my practice to others.  It benefits no one.

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