Enjoying a Sumbel and Still Feeling Outside the Circle

Last night I participated in my first local sumbel.  I partook of the apple juice and not the mead (maybe next time!), and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.  It was a public sumbel put on by Nebraskan Heathens United, and around 20 people attended.  A sumbel is a heathen tradition where you toast the gods, the ancestors, and make boasts.  Oaths can also be made at sumbels.  The sumbel was preceded by a ritual, or blot as it is called.  It was an hour away, but it was definitely worth the drive.

My kemetic gods have been encouraging me to work with the heathen gods to learn some self-sufficiency.  They also want me to find a community.  I thought perhaps the heathen community might be what I was looking for.  However, I will always be the kemetic that practices heathenry.  Although the group is very helpful and open, I don’t foresee ever being invited to their private rituals.  Perhaps it will change in the future, when I have more practice under my belt.  Perhaps not.  I am glad that I have them as a community of friends, but I feel that I will always be an outsider.  Especially since I don’t know if I will be working with the heathen gods temporarily or always.  I respect their right to keep their private rituals private, and would never want to intrude.

As much as my gods seem to want me to have a local community around me, perhaps it is just not in my cards to be part of a group in the way that I desire.  I am part of the Prairie Shadow Grove and ADF, but even there my kemeticism separates me from the group.  I have found a fantastic group of kemetics online, so at least I feel part of that community,  even if it isn’t local.  I’m not the best at promoting myself.  I tend to be a bit standoffish.  My bipolar symptoms have been acting up more recently, so I have also put up protective shields on that count.  I have a few close friends in each of the groups, perhaps it should not be as important to be close to the group itself.


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