A Kemetic Update

I’ve been doing my daily divinations and then ignoring them recently.  Create!  Create!  keeps echoing back to me, but I’m so scared of doing it wrong.  Today I am going to fight the fear, put my trust in my Gods, and try to get some information onto my blog.  I picked up some books relatively recently, including How to Read Egyptian Hieroglyphs by Mark Collier and Bill Manley.  I’m trying to make time for more research on the kemetic side of things.  I’ve been spending some time on tumblr, meeting fellow kemetics and gleaning some information there.

Imhotep, the healing card from my Book of Doors deck, popped up again a few days ago.  Apparently, I’m afraid of enlightenment.  I have to admit that as much as I always seem to want change, I am also afraid of how it will look if it happens.  I want to get closer to my Gods, but what will the results look like?  I think that I blame the Christian/Catholic God for my bipolar illness, even though I know that is silly.  When I got sick in my late teens and early 20s, I felt completely abandoned.  I’m afraid of getting closer to other Deities and then feeling abandoned again.  I know that my illness is biological and not anyone’s fault.  It’s hard to remember sometimes that support is out there.

I classify myself as a hard polytheist, and yet I worship Sekhmet-Mut as a syncretic deity.  I’m still trying to sort that all out.  It’s easier for me to be on the hard polytheist end of things, but I don’t know if that is where I’ll stay.  At some point, I will have to investigate Hermeticism, and see where it fits into all of this.  I’ve also found people that practice Kemeticism and still include some Christianity in their devotions.  I’m not sure if this means anything for my future.  Right now I am focusing on building relationships with the deities that I currently worship.  However, I did go through baptism and confirmation in the Roman Catholic Church, and someday I may have to address that.  I also still talk to and depend on my guardian angel.

I feel that my Kemetic Deities have been gentle and protective of me recently.  Perhaps it is because I had a little more trouble taking care of myself lately.  I’m doing better now and thinking more clearly.  I am trying to hold onto the thought that my Gods return my love.   All I should need to know is that I love Them, but it is nice to feel Their love in return.  Kemeticism is not the only area that I have been working on, but it still has taken precedence in my practice.

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