New Beginnings

I’m going to try to catch up and keep up with The Cauldron Blog Project.  The Cauldron is a pagan forum that I go to learn about others’ paths.  January’s topic was Resolutions, Habits, New Beginnings, so I’ll start there.  I’m new to practicing polytheism.  I was finally able to accept that hard polytheism is my world view in the middle of 2013.  I spent most of my life as a practicing Roman Catholic.  I did a lot of searching over the years, but it was still hard to admit to myself that I was a polytheist.  Once I did, more research began.

I started off practicing Hellenismos, and then I got interested in Kemeticism.  It is definitely possible to honor both of these religions, but I just don’t have the spoons to do it right now.  The Gods or my tarot cards or my subconscious brain, however you want to call it, kept insisting that I cut back and drop the labels.  I was stressing myself out trying to do everything perfectly and failing in every way.  So now eclectic is the closest thing I have to a label, and I don’t really like it.  It has some bad connotations in my mind.  I’m mad that I see it as less respectable, and I’m mad that some other people would agree.

I want a practice that is recon-influenced.  I’ve looked into Hellenic, Kemetic, and Heathen practices.  I don’t know if I want to follow all of these paths, but I want to be able to honor the Gods that I follow in a way that They feel respected.  I want to snap my fingers and have everything laid out, but building something takes time.  That is how I have to approach it, as a building project.  I have to get the base done before I can put windows in the top floor.  Laying the plumbing pipes comes before putting up wall hangings.  Finding a place to start and figuring out what comes first is confusing, but life takes work.

I am trying to slowly build a life with Deity.  I started nightly devotionals on January 1st.  I would like to add in some daytime devotions throughout the week, but finding the energy can be hard.  As long as I can take at least one step in my religious practice, it is a successful day.  I just have to remember that.  My nightly devotionals are one of those steps.  Although I find it frustrating, I would like to add  some meditation to my week.  I would like to add some daily rituals to give thanks to Gods that I don’t honor nightly.  I am slowly trying to find workable ways to add these things to my schedule.  I am reading blogs, books, and message boards to see how other people do things.  I don’t want to start down one road because it is the only one I see.

I joined the Neo-druid organization ADF to get a Neo-pagan view point and to meet people.  Their dedicant path is a little overwhelming, but I think it would be good for me to do at least a portion of it.  I may be posting some of it on this site as I work through it.  I was able to meet a few people and to attend my first pagan celebrations with the local proto-grove for Samhain 2013 and Imbolc 2014.  I don’t know if druidry will stay a part of my path, but that is why I am trying it.  Meeting people has given me some insights.  I am trying to absorb as much information as I can.  Sometimes, though, I have to take a step back.  Taking on too much too quickly is one of my faults.  Absorb and pray.  Read and practice.  Little steps add hope.  I don’t know where they’re taking me, but I hope they’re leading somewhere.


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